Talking dirty during sex comes naturally to some people – for others it takes practice and repetition to get the hang of it. Some are totally uncomfortable with the whole idea and never warm to it, despite trying hard. But for a huge number of red-blooded men and women it’s an amazing way to boost your sex life.

What are the two main barriers to talking dirty when you are having sex?

Firstly, it comes down to the way you were brought up. If you grew up in a puritanical household where all mention of sex and sexuality was taboo, then you will have an inbuilt inclination to be quiet during intercourse, or at least be very reserved when it comes to vocalizing when making love.

Secondly, your gender can have an influence. Studies have shown that dirty talk comes a lot easier to men than women. But, here’s the thing – if a woman can get her potty mouth working in the bedroom, her man is going to go through the roof!

Once many conservative – even frumpy – women get the taste for using dirty talk in their love lives, they wonder why it took so long to take the step. Often, it takes a large degree of trust in their partner – especially a male. They have been educated to believe that women being aggressive in their sexual demands and desires was tantamount to being a whore of little worth; they were an abomination. Thankfully, today attitudes are more relaxed when it comes to sexually assertive females.

Based on the above, the following dirty talking tips are aimed at conservative women, but men can also benefit from them.

1. Get Inspiration from Various Media

Check out some raunchy porn movies, and also look at what amateur couples are putting online on various adult websites. Usually, the most viewed clips of people having sex will be the ones that feature very vocal couples who do not hold back when it comes to expressing themselves with dirty phrases. Women, you will see (and hear) some classic phrases to use on your man to get him all fired up. If you want to play the game hard, be prepared to throw in some smutty and filthy words that are normally the domain of prostitutes and porn stars. Let out your inner skank!

2. Tell Him (or Her) What You Want From Sex – Don’t Hold Back

Be dominant in your sexual behavior. Tell your man (or woman) exactly what you want and expect. Tell your partner you demand to be touched here, licked there. Be assertive – even aggressive – in your demands. If your sexual partner is a man, he will absolutely love the new confidence that you are showing by using dirty talk.

Your actual choice of words will depend on the personality of your partner. But, as a general rule, go for the so-called taboo words for your genitalia that are banned on television and in the press. Never use the clinical words “penis” and “vagina” – unless, of course, you are playing doctors and nurses!

3. Use Fantasy Scenarios

Sometimes it helps to accentuate the power of your dirty talk by adding some fantasy scenes. For example, talk to him about how you might to invite another female into the bed. Tell him exactly what erotic and sensual things you and he could do together with a strange woman in bed with you. Or it could be another man – it all depends on your partner’s reactions and feelings.

A super way to heighten the mood is to take total control of the verbal action by using a soft gag on your man or woman so that you alone are able to deliver the dirty talk.

Use these three tip for talking dirty during sex and your love life will improve outta sight!

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Before ordering “self proclaimed” powerful love spells from the hundreds of spell casting sites that seem to pop all over the internet these days, there are a few key essential things that someone looking for a love spell need to know. Without knowing these key information about real love spells and the different ways that one spell can be cast (which directly effects the success rate of a love spell), you might just be throwing your money away.

The casting of real powerful love spells encompasses a wide variety of magical work. Most of these love magic work includes the use of candle work, talisman work, love potion work, evokation of love based entities, petitioning of Love dieties and such.

The most basic work is Candle work. In love spells using candle work, the magic worker charges a specific oil according to his magickal path to be used for love purposes. The oil is then used to anoint a Red candle, or a candle in the shape of a nude human form while invoking the emotions involved for love and charging the candle with both the magick oil and the visualisation of the target. Sometimes a photograph of the target is also used and placed below the candle so that the wax melts on the photograph of the target.

Candle work, while effective for straight forward situations (like there needs just a little nudge in the right direction for love to blossom and theres no enmity or background between the two people), is rarely enough on its own for more complicated situations. Also its usually those young and new practitioners of magic, looking to make a quick buck from their newfound powers, as limited as they are, that offer candle work by itself without any prior consultations and other complementary work.

Talismanic work is a step above candle work. Talismanic work for love spells could include talismans of the sun, the moon, venus and the various planets. The effective magick worker will use the energies of the planet to super charge a talisman for a specific purpose. For example solar talismans can be used to give success, confidence, radiance, power to the wearer and thus increase his success in love, Moon talismans can be used to bring out the sensual, hypnotic side in the wearer and thus influence the opposite sex and Venus Talismans work directly to bombard the wearer with an attractive aura that intrigue and fascinate the opposite sex.

The problem with many New Age practitioners is they do not follow the old ways when charging a talisman which makes success with these talismans unpredictable. When it comes to planetary work, old practitioners like me follow the exact time and day corresponding with the planet we want to work with and also do an astrological reading to see at which date would be doing the love spell be most effective. For example, Mars can be seen as the Captain of the army, he is brave, courageous and a natural leader. When he is in the same zone as the Moon however, he is in detriment. The Moon is viewed as the Queen, so when the Captain enters the Queen’s chambers, he has to remove his sword, clean his boots and bow down to the queen. Very unbecoming of the Captain. So doing Mar’s work when it is together with the Moon will not be very effective.

It takes an advanced magic worker who has been practicing for many years to yield the power to evoke entities such as the Goetic spirits like Asmoday, the Necronomicon entities like Gil, and also be thought of high enough in the spiritual world for his petitions to the dieties like Aphrodite and Kamdev to yield results. Evoking entities, and having enough power to ask them to do what you want is two different things altogether. Evokation is the most powerful of all love spells and love based work as you call forth powerful love entities to forcefully effect change in a situation, thereby changing fate itself. Even then one has to look at the astrological outlook of the situation for a hundred percent success rate and advice the buyer to be detached from the outcome of the love spell work so that his mental capacity does not handicap the spell work.

Again, most new aged workers do not do this, thereby affecting the outcome of their magick work. Its the Real Magician/sorcerer who yields these ancient techniques and combines astrology with candle work, talismans and evokations to bring forth maximum results.

Rishi Bhrigu is a Practicing Sorcerer and Magick Worker for over 45 years who has had vast experience with Goetia Work, Necronomicon work, Hindu Rituals and even worked with the Nature Shamans on many occasions.

A couple concerned about the lack of sexual desire and activity in their relationship, came to see me for a consultation. They had been living together for two years, loved each other and had no problem being affectionate. Sex, however, seemed to have fallen by the wayside after the first year. The couple had been avoiding the issue, but once it was raised, they realized they needed help.

I offer this example because the couple happens to be heterosexual.

What is Lesbian Bed Death?

Lesbian bed death is a term coined by sociologist, Pepper Schwartz in her book, American Couples (1983). Although her methodology was challenged and her results questioned, the term Lesbian Bed Death became a catchphrase that is still used today.

Does Lesbian Bed Death Really Exist?

Lesbian Bed Death is a misnomer, if not a myth. While diminished sexual activity is an issue lesbian couples discuss in treatment, gay and heterosexual couples do so with the same frequency.

I have seen lesbians in long-term relationships who continue to engage in sexual activity and heterosexual couples who stopped having sex after a few years into a marriage. I’ve seen gay male couples who lost interest in sex with their partners and those that continued being sexual after being together for many years.

One difference I have experienced between these three groups is that male couples have been more likely to suggest opening the relationship to include sex with other men. I have not yet seen lesbian or heterosexual couples who have proposed this as an option.

Why do Some Couples Stop Having Sex?

There are a number of reasons couples stop having sex.

Difficulties in communicating can impact the relationship in many ways, sex being one of them. If the couple is experiencing problems in other areas and cannot resolve the issues through talking, anger and resentment will build. These feelings can and often do impact a couples’ sexual intimacy.

Fighting, blaming, and criticizing each other will block the couple from opening up and being vulnerable. Feeling self-protective doesn’t allow for sexual intimacy.

Merging is another factor that can lead to diminished sexual activity. Many people confuse intimacy with merging. The difference is that intimacy requires two people who are independent and have their own feelings, thoughts, interests, and needs. It requires each partner to respect and accept the other’s differences.

Merging doesn’t allow for differences and separateness. Differences are seen as threatening. Need for time alone, time with friends, opposing opinions, different likes and dislikes may be felt as abandonment. There is no room for the partners to be separate distinct individuals in the relationship. Merging can kill sexual desire as sex requires two separate individuals. Merging can make sex feel too incestuous.

Sometimes, sex can fall by the wayside if couples allow other activities, chores, socializing and mundane tasks to get in the way. If sex isn’t a priority; if it isn’t seen as necessary and important, it will diminish over time. Avoidance of sexual problems or issues will not resolve them. Instead, sex will die out.

Health concerns and menopause can be a factor. Hormonal changes, a waning sex drive, and depression can add to lack of sexual activity. It is important to address these issues when they arise as a couple. It may be difficult to accept these changes especially if a couples’ sex life was a constant and enjoyable component of their relationship. Sex doesn’t have to end, but changes need to be accepted in order to get past this obstacle.

Past sexual abuse can be another causal factor leading to difficulties in present sexual relationships. Partners need to work on this issue together. This takes patience and understanding on the part of each individual.

What You Can Do About It

Couple therapy can be extremely beneficial-the earlier, the better. When it becomes clear that discussing these issues together does not lead to a resolution, it’s time to seek help. Often, couples wait until the problem becomes intolerable before turning to a therapist. It may be more difficult to change entrenched patterns of relating by this time.

When sexual abuse exists in a partner’s past, therapy-both individual and couple–can be tremendously helpful. Individual therapy can help by exploring what happened, the feelings around it, and the effect it may have on the current relationship. Couple therapy can be useful to help each partner learn how the abuse impacts their intimate relationship. It can also provide tools to improve it.

In general, I would advise couples who notice changes in intimacy–whether it be sexual or otherwise–to talk to each other. If that doesn’t resolve the issue, seek help.

Helpful Suggestions

Don’t avoid talking about sex.

Make time to be intimate. Be sensual with each other if sex feels too problematic or threatening.

Plan a sex date. Make sex as important as any other activity you and your partner do together.

Be aware if you are using excuses like being too busy or too tired to avoid sex.

Experiment with sex. Novelty can be exciting. Know your own body and what you like. Find out what your partner likes. Adopt an attitude of non-judgmental exploration.

Don’t avoid problematic areas of your relationship, sexual or otherwise.

Resolve issues. Don’t let them fester.

Recognize when you need help and discuss it with your partner. Make a plan of how to deal with problematic issues together.