Acceptance – An Antidote for Denial

Part one of this series talked about the importance of the church developing an awareness of the seriousness of the problem of pornography or lust addiction, the powerlessness that people experience when in its grip, and the need for God’s power in order to progressively overcome it.

This article looks at the need to accept a problem exists if a person wants to overcome it, something few seem willing to do.

Viewing pornography usually starts in secret and remains a secret. While part of the person knows ‘this is wrong’, another part likes it. This creates tension and inner conflict and a sense of powerlessness. Strategies are employed in an attempt to feel comfortable. Justification and denial are common coping mechanisms. Self-deception leads to thoughts such as, ‘Well at least I don’t do that’, or, ‘that was the last time I will…’ or ‘if I ever get a bad as him or her I will do something about it’.

As long as the problem remains hidden, it gets worse. The person looks at images that are more explicit and/or engages in more and more risky behaviour. As time goes by lust consumes more of their identity. What was an ‘innocent’ secret pleasure once a week or fortnight, eventually becomes a world of secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, and fear. The person hides this from those around them leading to increased isolation.

In order to cope with the growing inner conflict, a person can subconsciously compartmentalise the “acting out in secret self” from the “public self”, creating two contradicting realities. As time goes by this “secret part” gets larger and more secret, to the point where they can literally hide it from themselves.

Lust has a way of latching onto a person’s will, helping to create a stubbornness that leads to a spiritual blindness. The lust-drunkenness keeps a person from seeing the damage caused to themselves and their relationships, including their relationship with God. Neither can they see the underlying problematic attitudes that feed the addictive behaviour.

It is rare that a person voluntarily chooses to confess their problem and seek help. In fact, due to the power of denial, it is common for a person to deny the issue even when caught.

For some, lust becomes the number one form of coping with life. Ironically, lust becomes a source of security and comfort. In many ways, it has become a “god” or more accurately an idol of worship (the source of their life). They have become dependent and due to this dependency, letting go can feel like they might die, and in some ways they are right. However it is a dying to self (dying to the old nature), and acting with humility and surrender which allows God’s grace to be released (James 4:6).

By grace, God allows moments of clarity that enable a person to have a glimpse of what they are doing to themselves and provides opportunities to empower them to take action. Some may describe this as a part of their subconscious that betrays them and cries out for help by allowing the person to do something that allows them to get caught.

Put another way, a person’s own actions end up bringing about pain that can lead to repentance. Unfortunately, it can take a trail of broken relationships, the loss of position, dignity, and respect before light and truth penetrates the secret world of the pornography-addicted person’s soul. No matter how a person comes to an inevitable fork in the road, the decision to turn away from lust must come from within the individual.

As Dr Phil’s Life Law #4 says ‘you cannot change what you do not acknowledge’. Acceptance is an antidote for denial, and for the person that gets to this place, it is the beginning of healing and change.

Honesty and willingness to be open and talk to someone about the issue is vital for change to continue. It is the hidden part of self that contains the lust, fantasy, and acting out associated with pornography addiction. Coupled with this are the attitudes and beliefs about self, God and others. These too need to come out into the light. This takes tremendous courage and can be immensely scary.

It is important that such a sensitive issue be shared with someone trustworthy and/or a group that is safe. Bringing light to this issue is the beginning of a slow but necessary journey back to reality. It is a journey that will see the power of God enter a person’s life, giving them strength to remain ‘sober’ from their lust.

People caught in the web of pornography addiction are not ‘bad’ people. In fact, many have great hopes and dreams to fulfil. Many are in our churches, secretly battling this ‘thing’. God loves them and says ‘…I know the plans I have for you….plans to give you hope and a future’ (Jer 29:11). Part of that plan is a journey of freedom from the grasp of lust. It is a journey of faith, adventure, sacrifice, and service.

When we acknowledge our weakness, we can access God’s perfect strength (2 Cor 12:9). Out of such a journey will emerge a warrior equipped to ‘fight the good fight of the faith’ (1Tim 6:12) who can watch and come along side others as they come out of denial, climb out of hopelessness and despair, and walk with ‘…the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding…’ (Phil 4:7).

Action – Where Belief and Faith Connect

The first article in this series talked about the need to develop an awareness of the problem of pornography or lust, both as a church body as well as individually. The second article talked about the importance of accepting there is a problem if wanting to be free of lusts power.

This article looks at the importance of taking necessary action to overcome lust addiction, explores practical ways to do this, and highlights the challenges.

The way an addict acts out the fantasy manufactured by pornography is often through masturbating, so trying to give up lust while continuing to masturbate is futile. Sexual abstinence, while controversial, is often necessary before someone successfully breaks the addictive cycle and recovers.

Debate exists over whether a person needs to stop the addictive behaviour first in order to deal with the underlying issues, or vice versa. The answer is both/and. Without stopping the acting out the underlying issues remain hidden, conversely ignoring the underlying issues leads to relapse.

Lust distorts a person’s reality and their thinking, making it difficult to identify and address the underlying issues. Addressing the addictive behaviour and then addressing any issues that fuel the addictive behaviour is a practical and sensible approach.

Removing all pornographic material, as well as putting boundaries in place to block easy access points is necessary. Avoiding the ‘old environment’ where lust was purchased or consumed, such as alone with the internet, in a DVD store, newsagent, or street the brothel is on, is helpful to minimize unnecessary temptation.

Making these decisions in isolation from other people while in the addictive cycle inhibits recovery. These decisions require self-motivated accountability, otherwise ‘when’ temptation strikes, the boundary lines erode, and the person is back online or driving to the newsagent or brothel once more.

Lust addiction drives people into themselves, causing them to live inside their own heads. People often try to overcome lust from this position, severely compounding the struggle. This approach traps people within the addictive cycle, as they remain isolated, trying to think or white knuckle their way out of the problem.

In the early stages of the journey toward sobriety, there can often be a hypersensitivity to lust images. Driving down the road, watching TV, or sitting in the train can take on a completely new reality. People often feel lust is attacking them. Withdrawal symptoms such as cravings, irritability, sleep disturbance, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, or even depression are also normal and expected during this time.

Lust addiction progressively isolates people. Addressing the issue in the context of a safe community is fundamental to long-term victory. Even though a large number of people struggle with pornography, there is not often an open atmosphere to enable sharing.

Talking in a group about the challenges, difficulties, victories, and being encouraged by others that are recovering from the same issues, promotes safety and a sense of community. While not a replacement to one’s faith community, identifying with other’s experiences and sharing one’s own experience in this context, births hope and helps remove the feeling of isolation. Once connected with other people the strategies that follow are more effective.

Acknowledging one’s own powerlessness and asking for God’s help, allows His grace to start operating. Praying to God whenever tempted with a lust image or situation, helps to create a connection to God, instead of a feeling of aloneness. Phoning safe and trusted people as part of the ‘action’ of surrender is a powerful intervention, and a vital strategy to being free from taking the lust drink.

Unfortunately, people often believe the lie that being tempted is a sin, causing them to hide from God when they most need Him. Taking the actions above, ‘in the moment’ of temptation, is the key, as this is where belief and faith connect, allowing God’s grace to come in and expel the temptation and ultimately the obsession.

When pornography and acting out has been the main coping mechanism to deal with life’s problems, unresolved issues and strong emotions such as fear and anxiety can begin to surface. For some, professional counselling may be necessary. Counselling can act as another pillar of support, enhancing a person’s ability to overcome lust addiction, and the issues it masks.

While recovery is painful and difficult, it is not impossible. People who begin to experience freedom from lust start to feel a sense of wholeness, as reconciliation and healing with their true selves, others and God starts to transform the inner person. People begin to feel ‘right’, have self-respect, renewed confidence and self-esteem, and a sense of purpose.

Freedom from lust also allows people to experience what they were wanting all along but which lust could never deliver. This is often unwavering acceptance; power to live out their convictions, ethics, and morals; attain peace of mind and have hope for the future.

The actions outlined above help a person to walk increasing as ‘new creations in Christ’ (2 Cor 5:17). Walking this narrow road leads to life, allowing people’s unique call from God to be reclaimed or discovered (Mt 7:14). This journey also helps lay the foundation that enables them to live out that call, dealing with the challenges along the way.

There are more and more people today that are looking for a way how to stop watching porn and stop masturbation. The reason for this is simply because with the internet, porn is becoming more and more available and easy to access. That being said, a lot of people have the habit of watching it and this often leads to an addiction. If you find yourself in this position and you would like to learn how to stop watching porn, and stop masturbation, we will go through some of the aspects that makes your addiction what it currently is and we will also offer a solution.

Why Porn And Masturbation Comes Hand In Hand
Now there is a lot said about both and fact of the matter is that watching pornography will always lead to masturbation. The reason for this is because pornography is merely a fantasy world and as much as you watch it, you can never gain physical pleasure so masturbation is what every porn addict end up doing. Even if they don’t masturbate, they will always end up doing it later.

This can have some very negative effects on a person and if you don’t know how to stop watching porn and stop masturbation, it is almost impossible for a person to leave this habit.

What Are The Effects Of Watching Pornography And Masturbation?
This can lead to many problems such as lowering self-esteem, depression, anxiety, loss of interest in your partner, using sex toys and prostitutes and other things of that nature. Most people addicted to watching pornography and masturbation always feel restless after not doing it for more than 2 days and as much as they try to resist the temptations, they just don’t have the self-control they want and they feel as if it’s taking over their lives.

How To Stop Watching Porn And Stop Masturbation?
There are many things you can do about it. There are local services that can help you overcome your addiction and there are online services and guides as well. The online method is usually the most preferred way simply because you can remain anonymous all while learning how to stop watching porn and stop masturbation. These guides can go for pretty cheap and considering their price, they are a real bargain. If you want to stop watching porn, it is the most practical method and the most cost-effective one as well.

And do not worry too much about the conditions of your Business Line of Credit though. This company provides extremely easy access to get your commercial loans, and to get them in no time. Within the next twenty four hours, all of your application will have been granted. And that means, if you do apply right now, you could already start your own business tomorrow. How does that sound to you, actually? It does sound pretty good, right? So, what are you waiting for now? The longer you wait, the further you are from your own dream.

And do make into notice that your business financing aids will be funded by a company that is well trusted by hundreds of thousands clients. These people were just like you previously, until they got their own Business Loans from this company and start making their own business on the run. The results for these, you asked? More than two hundred thousands of happy clients who have now own their own business of their own likings. The question is why don’t you get your own personal business loan and start running your own business then? You have the company to help you starting and the money to make you running. So, why don’t you then?

Most of the cases that I know from the people who use the cash advance service are that they are not able to manage their salary so that they can use it until the next month when they get another salary.

People who cannot manage their money usually will run out their money from their salary before they can get the next month salary. However, they still money to buy things that they need to buy. So, when this kind of sad situation happens to you, you can always put your faith to cash advance payday loans to help you getting out from this hellish situation. You can borrow some money from them and you can pay the money back by the time you get your next month salary. It is so simple and I am sure that it is good for you.

Beside that, there are also drug rehab center for drug user. In drug rehab center, drug user given by several treatment methods, facilities, and well-trained medical staff. The method that is given to the drug user is psychotherapy and detoxification. Psychotherapy is therapy that helps the user by psychologist side, to make them forgetting the drug syndrome, while detoxification is therapy for drug user that is help them to omit addictive substance from their body.

One process of restoring drug user back to their normal life is by using holistic drug rehab. This method usually offered by drug rehab center. The way of restoring drug user to get back into their normal life is by healing method, they will cure their psychological side first, psychological side including their spirit and soul, after all they will cure their healthy side by omit addictive substance.

The first ED pill Viagra and then Levitra, none of them have allowed the most valuable factor…time, to the couple. As a result, the sexual intercourse, after taking Levitra or Viagra, turns into a one-sided affair, and actually speaking it should not be like that. You are already finished with your orgasm and ejaculation when your partner is just getting stimulated. You kiss her good night with a satisfied smile on your face, while she has no other way but to terminate her desire and go to sleep ‘frustrated’. It cannot in any way, be labeled as good sex. A satisfactory sexual intercourse does not leave either of the partners dissatisfied.

When you were under the pressure of erectile dysfunction, what ailed you most, be honest? A dissatisfied and irritated glare of your wife…isn’t it? Your main concern was ‘she will never love me again and might go to someone else’. The four hour ED pills does not let you satisfy her…even when she has waited for you to recover from your erectile failure period. You satisfy yourself by it…not her. Women need time to get sexually excited, and foreplay has a great role to play for the sexual stimulation, she needs it more than you! Does your ED pill allow you the time? If not, then I am sorry…you are not in a better position with your ED pill…because nothing actually changed for your wife.

Do you love your wife and want to satisfy all her desires? Want to remain the most desired men in her life? None other then Cialis can do it for you. Cialis acts in the same way as Levitra or Viagra does…but it does not make your sexual encounter a two or four hours’ affair, the main USP of Cialis. You have long 36 hours after Cialis administration, so there is no need to plan your sexual activities…it will happen automatically when both of you are in tune. Yes, you can await the right moment, and her right mood to experience a great sex. Cialis starts working within 30 minutes and continues to work for the next 36 hours!

Moreover, with Cialis, you do not have any food or drink restrictions. But I will personally advise you to keep away from drinking, at least not more than two pegs of alcohol if you are planning a romantic date that night. After all you need to have alert body and mind if you want to enjoy every movement in sex!

Cialis, the third cousin among the oral treatments of erectile dysfunction is making its way slowly but steadily in the ED market. It is a ‘no-hassle’ pill with ‘extra performance’ for the treatment of your erectile dysfunction. Take your Cialis, relax and enjoy your sexual ride…

Kamagra followed in the footsteps of Viagra and Cialis, and drew the attention of men in droves.
Kamagra is of recent manufacture to treat the massive incidence of erectile dysfunction. Writes Michael Bob, “The working principle is basically dilation of the arteries in the penis, thus allowing to blood to fill into the Sinusoids; once the veins are compressed, it allows for sustenance of the erections, by way of duration and satisfaction, the window period being anything between half an hour to four hours.”

It is important to remember though, says Bob, that the minor side effects cannot be ruled out, considering the chemical composition of the drug and medical implications of the user. “Some of the more commonly reported side effects have been headache, flushing, upset stomach, running nose etc; once you’ve consulted your physician, remember to steer clear of a high fat intake. Those on Nitrates are to absolutely avoid this one. Also, one pill in 24 hours is the recommended dosage. Alcohol too is to be ruled out. It is best to pop it in just an hour before intercourse.”

Now that is a sexual challenge. You must be planned for a sexual encounter if you are suffering from sexual problems.

Informs Bob, “the rate at which this wonder pill is catching up, however, indicates the success rate and satisfied users worldwide; going by statistics, four out of every five men (which amounts to twenty per cent) who have used the pill have had satisfactory results and more. Go ahead, have a word with your doctor and procure it! You never know what you’re missing out on.

Men’s sexual problems may have cheaper solution in the form of Kamagra as good replacement of generic Viagra.

As the male impotency problem concerned, it is most common and widely seen problem in male around the world. This impotency problem has wide effect on the Men – women relations and their sexual activity. Hence, every male partner wants to have immediate treatment and remedy from this highly cursed Male sexual problem. The cost of medicine & treatment is also very high as the single dose of branded medicine with sildenafil citrate molecule cost you several dollars but thanks to the research & development of generic drugs of the same class of molecule which cost you very low and quite affordable compared to the high price branded impotency molecule.

Hence, it is always beneficial to buy the generic drugs rather than the Branded medicine. Millions of people around the world have tested and trusted the effects of the generic drugs and they are quite satisfied with its results. So why don’t you buy the cheapest generic drugs with the same results as your high priced Branded drugs?

There are many Pharmaceutical company engaged in research, development & manufacturing of generic drugs around the world. And one of the Most trusted and tested name is France pharmacy. You can buy the most affordable and cheapest anti impotency drugs like generic Cialis, Cialis, and generic Viagra etc with the same result strength and effect as that of the Branded medicine but at the most cheapest price compared to the other Branded medicine.

So, dudes are you really worried about your impotency problem and the high cost involved for the treatment? Don’t worry! Here is the simple and most affordable solution. Just start buying the cheapest & readily available generic drugs like generic cialis, cialis, generic Viagra etc. It is tested and trusted by millions of people around the world. You can also buy these Generic drugs from the comfort of your home and online from France pharmacy.

I caved in to the cyber sex invitation about ten weeks ago, fascinated as much by the marketing as the product. Marketers just kept knocking on my door and continue to do so nearly every day. Persistence pays. In the past ten weeks I posted personal profiles on five dating and hook – up websites. None had my photo until last week, when a friend Emailed me a dozen she had taken a while back.

The first site I posted on drew three responses to my profile within two days. A good sign. Two more the next three days. I could not tell much from the posted photos but the profiles were intriguing and I wanted to talk to each of the five women. But to do so, I had to pay. I scraped up the money for a six month subscription, mailed it off to headquarters and the company claims they never received it. I pulled my profile and never went back. Money down the drain. But I was not ready to quit.

Another website on which I posted a profile yielded over twenty responses in just three weeks. But unpaid members on this site can’t even view the profiles of those who contact them, let alone respond. So my quest became to find which service offered the most contact benefits to non paying members. One allowed the viewing of all member profiles but only pre written flirt contacts. No personal messages without paid upgrade.

Another allowed very limited profile views and limited contact, including on site E mails in a few conditions. It took a few weeks just to become vaguely familiar with Adult Friend Finders’ many features, rules and conditions but I am now quite passionate about this site. It offers tons of interactivity to its unpaid or standard members. This sets it apart from the others in its marketing strategy and member benefits.

They have a magazine for members to read and contribute articles, if they choose. They have a database of over 35,000 erotic articles contributed by mostly amateur member writers. I expected the stories to be very different depending whether the author was male or female and instead, from early reading, have found more similarity than difference. What began for me as a concession to lust has become both an education and a personal growth process.

They also have a member driven advice column (in fact the entire site is member driven) in which all subjects are fair game and most relate to sex. One member poses a question. Other members can vote on the question itself, and/or post a response. Members can also vote on every response. It’s like reading Sex Dear Abby and the members are Abby. If you aren’t entertained by the reading alone, there might be something wrong with you.

The education and personal growth aspects begin when you feel a strong affinity with the people who are exposing their selves, desires and fantasies to judgement and criticizm and decide to join them by filling out a personal profile. The questions vary from site to site but all offer both mandatory responses and optional. This is where the personal growth process begins. Honestly completing the profile helps you to see who you really are. Far too many of us really don’t want to know and remain strangers even to those we love. The optional questions are harder. Now we find out how much of who we are we will reveal to those who might want to know. Is this question too personal to answer? If so, I will pass and the profile reader will know what I consider too personal to answer publicly.

The great challenge for most is two essay questions: basically, who do I think I am and what do I think I want in a friend, date, sex buddy, lover, life partner. All sites I posted on allow you to think this over and change your profile after your initial post because they know you will soon wish you said this instead of that. To answer these two questions for one’s self is liberating and growth promoting. For instance; what do I wish I could honestly say about myself? What would it take to make it true? So we enter a virtual meat market, hot to trot and soon see there is an emotional, mental and spiritual component below the surface appearance of things. This too is liberating.

Because we use made up names, we have some anonymity if our photos do not show our faces and I would say about eighty or ninety percent do not. That very anonymity helps us to be more honest because we expect we will eventually meet people who will compare what they know of us prior to meeting, with what they know after the meeting. If you are not reaonably close to what you claim, you tell the other person you are not to be trusted and there can be no foundation to any kind of relationship at all, including a one night stand for those so inclined. All the sites show due concern for personal safety and self protection that goes well beyond safe sex. This truly matters. One is exposed to weirdos and con artists of every stripe, perhaps more so with the under thirty crowd of the inexperienced, but age is no guarantee. Us dirty old men will turn up too. I had a pleasant conversation with a young female fellow club member this morning, who has had a dozen positive meetings. But one dirty old man from a hundred miles away wished to purchase a long term and devoted companion. He harrassed her by phone and Email for a few weeks after their meeting and gave up.

To do this thing, it is useful to have better than average intuition. I am convinced an overwhelming majority of the members do or they would not be advertising their desires and fantasies to the world. Hence, there is a group or collective consciousness within this virtual community quite apart from that of Joe Six Pack America and Joe has no desire to be there. At least, not for long. It requires time. It requires patience. Though many personal ads proclaim: “this is what I want and I want it now”, the reality is; how badly do you really want anything? Can you shift from the fear based society of the past to the love based society of the future? Because this is what is happening in the cyber sex community, even if most of the community does not quite see it. I do. It’s real.

In fact, on line hook up is dirt cheap in the dollar costs of the possible benefits, but if time is money, members are spending fortunes. I have now spent hundreds of hours just familiarizing myself with a few web sites and participating on one.

The time situation struck me hard in my imagination on my first hook up site. I have lots of free time in which I usually write and publish to share the things I learn with others who do not have the time but to read an article now and then. It is a personal act of giving I have fully committed to. But what if I wound up dating or visiting all five of the women who first responded to my profile? Add the time I would spend on them to the time I would spend to replace them if desired and I would do very little writing.

So before you decide to dip your toe in the great cyber sex ocean, ask yourself how much time can you devote to meeting people, corresponding, chatting, making friends, choosing sex buddies, lovers, playmates and partners – and just learning how it all works. How fast do you want any of this to happen? It’s your time (I hope) but I have yet to regret any hour I have so far spent. I am unabashedly excited. Cyber sex is the greatest thing since the internet! It is truly transformational whether you are just an observer or a participant.

(PUBLISHERS! Free Promotion Here – Now! If you will leave a comment and your URL or hyperlink on this or any article of mine: 1.) Some of my on – site readers will visit your website. 2.) I will visit your website. If I like what I find, I will write a positive review and publish it here at EzineArticles. You may delete this generous offer when re – publishing this article.